12.06.10 // My Mondays
What a sad and highly prevalent issue in our world today. We are constantly surrounded by people trying to bring us down, and outside factors creating obstacles for us – so what the hell is our problem that WE also feel the incessant need to continue to do the same thing to ourselves?! We should be our own best ally, and yet we constantly find ourselves battling AGAINST ourselves all the bloody time….and then we sit and wonder why we aren’t getting where we really want to be going. How can we possibly recruit others on our support team in this kind of framework?
US: Hey, wanna be on my team?
THEM: Ooo – you seem cool. That sounds like a pretty rockin’ idea actually!
US: I mean…I kinda suck…and by “kinda” I mean “really”…but still…um…so…you wanna be on my team?
*cricket chirps because you’re now just talking to yourself*
No es bueno…
The other day I was having a conversation with a chum whilst we were out on a grand adventure, and this concept came up. I admitted out loud how this is what I’ve been doing to myself in some very specific ways and for who knows how long at this point. The ruts have been worn into the ground, and the pattern is definitely solidified. Horray for Step 1: Admittance/Acknowledgement! (Check!)
Now, this was not a moment of epiphany for me. I’ve been all-too-aware of certain ways I constantly sabotage myself for quite some time now, but that hasn’t seemed to make much of a difference. ApPARENTly…words without actions don’t typically get too much accomplished, nevertheless altered. Go figure!
So, here I write. In a moment of heightened self-realization, I want to try to spreaaaaaaad such an idea to you. We all know how toxic and debilitating self-sabotage can be, and yet we still seem to find ways to fall into the trap – if not willingly walk into it (maybe even whilst pretending to have our eyes closed in order to more successfully blame-shift).
Preguntas! What things do you have going on in your world that you don’t enjoy, but that seem to be on a repeat cycle? Are you always working at a job you hate – wishing you were doing something else instead? Do you have awesome ideas that you keep hidden from the eyes/ears/hands/hearts/tongues of the world? Are you always eating the wrong foods even though you know you’re going to feel like garbage afterwards? Always dating different people who are wrong for you, but share many of the same attributes? Are you an amazing poet, artist, cook, guitarist, hockey player, mathematician, inventor…but you don’t shout it loud and proud?
Do you feel stiffled from who you REALLY are…even just a little bit?
As beautifully tragic as it is to imagine oneself as the unrealized genius, wouldn’t it be infinitely better to be the realized one instead?! Hmmmmm….
Perhaps you should give yourself the gift of introspection – no matter how brief. Ask yourself the questions you don’t want to say out loud. Try to identify some concrete ways in which you seem to constantly be winding up in the same lame spot, and see if it really IS because of the other guy, or if it’s because of you and a good ol’ dose of self-saby.
Asking yourself questions like this can be super-painful – it’s true. People don’t like to do it for a reason. BUT…just imagine the possibilities of greatness that can result from a shifting of your paradigm and coupling actions to better watch out for yourself.
The world will always offer up people who will work wickedly hard to bring you down from a high, keep you in line, make you feel as miserable and un-realized as they are. The world will always offer up obstructions to your smooth life path that will give you a chance to blame something or someone else for your actions (or lackthereof).
BUT…the world will ALSO always offer up opportunities and possibilities for you to break free from all that – to experience it and learn from it, but not fall victim (self-appointed or otherwise) to its tyranny.
Ya know — it can be terribly daunting to think that we hold the key to our own repression. BUT…we ALSO hold the key to our own freedom! (Mayhaps they’re even one in the same!) The best part EYE think to realizing that a big problem-causer in our lives is self-inflicted is that YOU yourself…are in control. You can take that bull by the horns and wrangle that beast until it does what you want it to do! You don’t have to get approval, permission, or wait on anyone else to do or say something first. It’s all on you, baby! Que fantastico…
…SO…to YOU…I now say: Pull out thy sword and DEFEND thyself!!!
[Many thanks for reading, warrior.]
with passion & gratitude — your sister on the battlefield