The need to control sucks out the joy that is freely available in every moment. Lately i’ve experienced something I never did before to this extent: The lure to control. All while feeling completely out of control. Control of self, control of experience, control of others, control of emotions, control of outcomes… regardless of how I knew everything my mind tried to control would slip out of my fingers as soon as i’d try to reach out. I know the “clarity”, I know the wisdom of “letting go” and “letting be”, but I haven’t experienced the full extent of where the ego mind can lead you, and therefore haven’t put myself in a situation to transcend my biggest fears and emotional blocks. What a ride. Even right now i’m still kind of shaky, a bit like how you feel right after a steep roller coaster ride. And I don’t feel i’m done yet.
When big changes, sudden endings and quick turns show up in your life after a period of stagnancy, it’s easy to hold your breath in and tense up. It’s easy to want to panic in reaction to all of the old emotions coming up. But eventually we learn an important lesson: It’s okay to feel and feel all of it through and through. It’s okay if the feeling comes up several times and armed with new alluring stories. Allowing what needs to come through and be released is actually the whole point. Once you accept you’re on the ride, you can begin to enjoy it.
The wounded ego will try every exits possible by searching for relief or more stuff to dwell on, until you decide to take the reins, breathe and let it all be. Until you let go of control and resistance. I let my intense emotional states scare me into thinking that I would never see the light at the end of the tunnel and therefore tried to force my way out, instead of being more compassionate and gentle with myself in this period of transition. I even caught myself believing that peace was somewhere in the future, that it couldn’t possibly be now…
It’s funny how the mind forgets this SIMPLE TRUTH: Trying to control what you cannot control is like trying to change the weather instead of just feeling the rain. Letting things be makes you ENJOY THE PROCESS whatever it may look or feel like.
The process is what makes you go to greater depths of self-discovery and let go of what you don’t need to carry anymore. The destination is irrelevant because it is always perfect regardless. So what’s the point of trying to control perfection?
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” – Eckhart Tolle
Let’s remember to breathe and relax into existence ♥ We’re alive!
with passion & gratitude — jennifer