The One Thing All Relationships Need to Succeed

07.01.13 // My Mondays

The One Thing All Relationships Need To Succeed

BY SHELLY BULLARD

What is a foundation? It’s the ground on which we build. Obviously if we want to build something that can weather a storm, it’s best to start with a sturdy foundation.

So what’s the foundation of all relationships? It is the relationship you have with yourself.

If your internal foundation is shaky — has cracks and holes (insecurities and negative self-concepts) — then the relationships you build on top of it are going to feel shaky, too.

However, if you move in the world with a solid sense of self, then you’re less likely to crumble when things don’t go as planned.

And things aren’t going to go as planned.

When we’re internally insecure, we naturally try to control the circumstances that surround us. Unfortunately, we fail. Why? Because it’s impossible to control things that exist outside of us.

But there’s another way: go within to find your strength. That’s where your true sense of sturdiness lies.

So how do you do it? Simple (but not always easy): Know who you really are.

When I say this, I don’t mean that you know your name and how you like to spend your time (although these things are important). I’m talking about going beyond that — knowing what your true essence is.

Know that you are magnificent. Know that you are supremely important. Know that you are worthy. Know that you are love.

When we know ourselves in a deep, spiritual way, we know that we are much greater than we give ourselves credit for.

Many of us identify with our wounds and faults: “I’m bad at relationships,” “I’m not good with money.” Or even worse, “I’m not very smart,” “I’m not attractive enough.”

Look, those things aren’t the truth about you. Not even close. Those are your ego’s stories — your limited self-concept. But they don’t define the real you.

If you identify with your limited self-concept, then naturally you try to get other people to make you feel worthy. But again, any time you’re depending on something outside of you to feel secure, you’re in trouble. Because everything outside of us moves and shakes. That’s the nature of life.

Know that there’s a truth that exists beyond all these stories. This is the truth of your soul. It knows that no matter what, you are an amazing person.

Do you make mistakes? Yes. But underneath those mistakes is a desire to do better next time; to let the best version of yourself shine.

Things are going to shake you. People are going to try to convince you that you’re not so great. Don’t listen to them!

Build your internal foundation. Know who you really are and never forget.

You are nothing short of magnificent. Find this inner source of love and hold on tightly; it will keep you steady through all the changing tides.

Please leave a comment below and tell the truth about you. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.


Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com

About the Author


Shelly Bullard is a student and teacher of Love. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (CA#51081) turned Love Coach. She teaches people How To Have More Love by helping them: (1) understand why they aren’t getting enough in relationships, (2) learn how to clear internal blocks to love (aka fear), and (3) learn how to cultivate an abundant flow of love in their lives everyday. She offers a weekly newsletter and free eBook that guide people towards More Love.

Shelly coaches people on the phone and Skype. Please contact her for more information.

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As I continue to do a lot of really intense work to evolve deeper into my true self, one factoid keeps ringing ever-louder, beaming ever-brighter, resonating ever-deeper: it all comes down to self-love. It truly is the foundation upon which we build everything else in our lives. Everything.

Question: if you choose to build upon unstable foundations, how surprised are you really when those structures eventually collapse?

If you take the time and put in the effort to create a solid foundation for and of yourself, you’ll be amazed at the high quality, beautiful structures and relationships you will then be able to build upon it.

To love yourself or not to love yourself: the choice is yours.

The more I genuinely love myself, the more everything around me just sort of falls into place . . . :)

with passion & gratitude — jennifer

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